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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Sleep and my gastic bypass surgery

Wow! I slept 5 hours and 9 minutes last night!!!! I haven't slept this long since I've had my BodyMedia Fit monitoring it (over a week). I don't know if it's the Lunesta helping me or what? But, I'm not gonna question it. Just relish in the rest that I had last night and hope that I do the same tonight.

Ok... so my gastric bypass.... 2/11/04.

I had researched it for a while. My mother-in-law had it, and had a lot of difficulty, but she already had some health issues. I found one doctor, but I didn't have a rapport with him. Actually, I hated him. He was condescending, and not very caring. So I searched for another doctor. I found Dr. Schuricht through a friend's recommendation and I instantly fell in love with him. Handsome, friendly, and sarcastic like me! A match made in fat girl heaven. I went through all of the tests, including a psychiatric exam.

Let me explain something that people may or may not know... if you want something bad enough, you'll do anything to get it. I told the psychiatrist what she wanted to hear. No, I'm not an emotional eater, I don't eat mindlessly, nope, I don't eat when I'm bored. I don't know how I got this way, yes, I've tried every diet known to man with little to no success. I'm totally ready to do this.

I passed all my tests with flying colors... of course if you lie to the psych, you're an idiot. Hence, I'm an idiot.

Got my surgery, everything went perfectly. To start off my new life, I walked out of the hospital instead of taking the wheelchair. I'm a warrior!!! *insert roar here* One meal I remember when I got back to work a month later (I actually could have gone back to work much sooner, but had time available) was a lunch of 3 small shrimp. It took an hour to eat them. And I was completely full. Like almost uncomfortably full.

I worked out 3 days a week at least. Usually the elliptical or a salsa class at a gym that I kinda hated, but was close to my job. I ate how I was supposed to, when I was supposed to. Over time I was down to 204 lbs. I called my doc and said, listen, I'm not losing weight anymore, I'm at a plateau. So he told me to come in and see the nutritionist. I started working out 4 days a week and saw the nutritionist. Saw my doc who told me that I must not be working out enough and I must be eating wrong. He was pissed. Fuck, I was pissed. I was working my fucking ass off. So...... I got discouraged. I'm thinking, if this fucker doesn't know how I'm busting my ass to get under 200lbs, then fuck it. I gradually started eating good food.... well, bad foods. I still couldn't eat a lot at one sitting, but I would get a meal, eat what I could, and... here's the trick.... eat the rest in an hour! Well, I was tricking myself because I thought that if I split the meal into 2 I wasn't eating as much or something.... I don't know. I'm not right in the head. Had I been honest with myself and the psychiatrist, I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now.

So this is over the course of a few years. I slowly gained weight. No longer looking at the scale, no longer killing myself at the gym. Just enjoying myself.

In 2008 all hell broke loose. I broke my ankle and severely sprained the other one. My life for a few weeks was: eat, vicodin, sleep. In that order. I couldn't work out if I wanted to (which I didn't, but that's beside the point). Then, July of 08 we were in a horrible car accident. My ankles were finally starting to feel a little better, now I had to contend with whiplash, back pain, post traumatic stress disorder, crazy pain. It was awful. Now my days were: pain, pills, physical therapy, sleep. I did work in between all this. And eat. Yeah, a lot. Then, in August 08 from an MRI my mom and I had of our brains because we both suffered from PTSD, we found out my mom had a brain tumor. Around the same time we found out Troy's mom had breast cancer, and Troy's family dog died. September my mom had surgery to remove the brain tumor, which turned out to be a benign meningioma. Then in November, my cat died suddenly. She was a year and a half old and started having seizures and was in tremendous pain. I held her as we put her to sleep. Yeah, this was all in 2008. I was so depressed, in pain, and hating life. And eating.

So, cut to 2010. Now. I've learned how to eat. I no longer eat fast food. At all. At the very worst I'll have a chicken soft taco from TB. That's if I'm starving and nowhere near anything. I workout as I said before everyday of the week. Usually at the gym... but if I don't get the amount of activity that I set as a goal on my BodyMedia Fit, I work out at home until I get it. I do at least 60 crunches a night. I walk more at work. I try to park further from buildings so I walk more. I just called my insurance and I've been going to the gym since 5/13 and I have 50 visits in. So that just shows how dedicated I am. I'm a different person now.

I get frustrated that I don't lose weight as fast as I did when I had gastric bypass, but I have to understand that my stomach and intestines were altered by surgery so I would lose weight. I had to get surgery to lose weight. Damn. That's kinda bad. Like really bad. Would I do it again? Gastric bypass, no. Lap band, possibly. But I eat right now. So I don't think I would need it. I'm going to lose weight slowly so I know that I deserve every single ounce that I drop. I no longer eat when I'm stressed. I don't eat when I'm not hungry. That was my biggest thing. Eating when I wasn't hungry. Or eating all of my food when I'm full. I'm learning what's healthy. It's a learning process. Lifelong learning. And I'm going to be a damn good student!

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