Follow by Email

Monday, May 2, 2011

fucking frustrated....

I am over this whole weight loss shit. Seriously. Well, not really seriously, but I'm tired of the fucking scale not moving. If I see 283 one more time I'm going to start smashing scales.

I was supposed to do the Walk MS 5k run yesterday. My back has been killing me for weeks so I went to the chiropractor at 8:15am on Saturday. If you know me, you know I don't wake up before 10 during the weekend unless Romper Room is going on downstairs (2 toddlers+hardwood floors=Romper Room). So I went to the Chiropractor, awesome guy. Cracked me, made me feel slightly better... . I literally walked in there like a 90 year old woman. After that, my mom and I went on a little shopping spree at Old Navy. It was great to go there and be able to fit things.

Anyway... the 5k. I thought about it the night before and decided not to run. I felt bad because my best friends were going to run and my family was walking. Well that morning they were late so they wound up walking too (how happy am I that I chickened out and decided to walk? Seriously, I would have been running alone!). I misunderstood how far the walk was. Apparently there was a 4 mile, 6 mile and 8+ mile. We did 8.5 miles. Don't know how I managed to not know that. I didn't actually know how much it was until we got to the finish. I wasn't tracking it the whole time like I should have.

I actually don't mind walking, I really like it. But between my back hurting and the back of my knees being sore from weights the other day, it just kinda killed me. But we made it!!!!

Getting back to my frustration. I know I don't ALWAYS eat the right way... more often then not I eat like shit. But I also work my fucking ass off. My BodyMediaFit said I took close to 20,000 steps and burned 4500 calories yesterday, but I'm still the same fucking weight as Friday? I'm over it. I don't know what to do. I can't stop eating foods that I like because when you're not the cook of the house, and you don't have the healthiest things, you just have to eat what you get. I dunno. I'm very disappointed. I want to be able to work out, eat the foods I like sometimes, and still lose weight. Is that so much to ask? I don't want to be skinny. Just healthy. 283 isn't healthy. I mean damn, can I at least lose a hundred fucking pounds? I'm 8 fucking pounds away, and have been since February. I want to take my 100 pound lost pic. My goal weight isn't that low. 220. That's it. It's still obese, but for me it would be perfect.

Fuck. Maybe I should try the 7daychip. Something. Weight Watchers again? I want to be at my goal by October. At this rate, I'm not going to make it. I hated Weight Watchers. I think it's stupid. Points. It's expensive. I'd have to go to meetings with all of these fucking peppy people. Online? Don't know if I'd really follow through. I do want this. I do want to lose this weight. I don't want to be a 2x forever. XL is fine. 2x sucks. It's better than the 4x I was last year. But fuck. It makes me want to drag my sore, tired ass to the gym today. That's how much I want to lose it.