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Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Ok... it's not about Eminem... it's about cleaning out my closet.

So, I went to my closet today to look for an outfit to wear to my office's holiday dinner tomorrow. It's a tavern so not too cas, not to dressy. I have a cute pair of denim trousers that I tried on yesterday that I knew fit (for the first time since 11/08 when I wore them to see Madonna). I was going to look for another pair of jeans that I haven't worn in over 2 years as well to see how they fit now. I learned 2 things from this seemingly innocent journey:

1. I have NO clothes!! Hanging on hangers are a shirt that I've had since 94 that I have worn for some of the biggest things I have done in my life. It's a cute Phat Farm shirt (a now defunct---or soon to be clothing company) that was not as fashionable as it was descriptive for most years. I also have 2 pairs of pants on one hanger that I don't know what they look like, but everytime I see the hanger I know for a fact that I hate the pants. Why they're still there, no clue. But they'll be there until I move (just signed a 2 year lease and love where I live). I also had the trousers on the hanger. I rummaged the bottom of the closet, bypassing the guitar, the curtains, and the cat bed, and found the other jeans. Bringing me to my next lesson:

2. My old pants, that I wore when I broke my ankle 2/08 before I gained ALL my weight back and I considered my reference point of how far I am in my weight loss and how far I need to go, are too big! When I say too big, I don't mean pop a Perfect Fit Button on them and keep moving. I mean, 1993 baggy jeans on showing the boxers baggy. Ok... well not that much, but you get the idea. NO WAY could I wear them out, let alone a work dinner. It means sooo much to me that I fit these, you can't possibly understand. It means, now I am not just losing weight *just* to get to the weight I was before I really started packing on the pounds, it means that I can start losing weight. It means that I am currently just under the weight that I was before "my injuries" caused me to start gaining weight.

This is amazing. All this time I've been working to get to the weight I was last year this time, and I took it back almost 3 years. AND it only took 6 1/2 months to repair. That's fucking awesome. Seriously, think about it.

So, I thought I had a shirt that I bought at Old Navy, but I can't find it. My daughter has taken to wearing my clothes (oversized and all). She doesn't return things. I found the shirt that I wore at the dinner last year, but coupled with the trousers that are also kinda big but I'm ignoring, it makes me look like, well, my old size. I don't want to do that. So... now what?

I don't know. It doesn't even really make sense for me to buy something, I'm not going anywhere else besides work and gym. Plus, if I try to buy something, what size am I??

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